The Dating Green Flags That Appear Red at First Glance

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Dec 15, 2023 4:00 PM EST

When you first meet someone, it can sometimes feel like a game of balancing green and red flags. They love to read? Green flag. The only thing they read is Reddit threads? Red flag. They're a dog person? Green flag. They let their dog eat out of their mouth? One man's green, another man's red. In the early stages of dating, you're doing so much color work that you can feel like Pantone. 

But first impressions can be deceiving. People get nervous and come across as weird, or you can misinterpret what they say because you don't know them well enough. We also have our preconceived notions about behavior that might be misguided or informed by negative experiences from past partners. Luckily, we have the council of Reddit to help us navigate the murky waters of social interaction. A recent thread helped suss out the dating red flags that actually turn green upon closer inspection. 

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  • 01
    g? r/AskReddit u/ShareFlat4478 • 1d What's the biggest "Green Flag" that could be misinterpreted as a "Red Flag"?
    via u/ShareFlat4478
  • 02
    Buttered Kernals • 1d Being forthcoming
    via u/ButteredKernals
  • 03
    Aneurysm-Em . 21h Some people wear their heart on their sleeve, and I wear mine on a 60 foot neon billboard 15 feet above my head
    via u/Aneurysm-Em
  • 04
    crazyrich. 1d Being able to own up to and speak to personal faults and failings could easily be misread at the beginning stages of dating.
    via u/crazyrich
  • 05
    neuroid99 21h I once told a woman I was seeing that I was having some feelings of jealousy over something, that I recognized those feelings as irrational, and she didn't need to do anything different, I was just letting her know. She immediately ended things. In hindsight, just a sign that things weren't going to work anyway, but sheesh.
    via u/neuroid99
  • 06
    Bovedt 18h ● I'd like to let you know, I've had jealous boyfriends too in the past (who hasn't...) - but my current one once opened up about his past, the reason why he'd get jealous etc. I loved the fact he told me, and told him to communicate whenever there's anything up, so we can either talk about it, or I can be aware of how I handle the situation. He deals with all my trauma. Why shouldn't I deal with his? Obviously as long as it's dealt with healthily. I have my boundaries too, as does ev
    via u/Bovedt
  • 07
    Dret m bonbon196. 1d Oh my god, is this the missing piece of my brain? This is so counterintuitive to me.
    via u/bonbon196
  • 08
    nerdqueenhydra • 18h One I only discovered recently. When a person going through some difficult stuff is less friendly and cheerful around you than they are around other people, it can make you feel defensive. You might think it means they're upset with you, but sometimes it can mean this person feels safe expressing their more vulnerable emotions around you. It's really counterintuitive. EDIT: Didn't expect much traction with this one, but I wanted to add some good points responders are making.
    via u/nerdqueenhydra
  • 09
    Momentofclarity_2022 • 23h Close relationship with a parent. Yes I've met "momma's boys" but also sons who are attentive to his mom. Or dad. Same for daughters.
    via u/Momentofclarity_2022
  • 10
    I_Poop_Sometimes • 21h Agreed, there's a difference between having a close and healthy relationship with your parents, and having an unhealthy momma's boy/daddy's girl relationship with your parents where they're just enabling your ineptitude and immaturity.
    via u/I_Poop_Sometimes
  • 11
    FinalGirl678 • 20h Same goes for with siblings. I've had guys call my relationship with my brother "creepy" or "weird" just because we get along so well and are always there for each other. I'm sorry it's apparently normal to have a toxic or sibling rivalry relationship?
    via u/FinalGirl678
  • 12
    DarthJiveTurkey • 22h Had a coworker saying that the way I talk about my ex is both a red and green flag. Because I speak very highly of her it seems like I'm still hung up, but it's also good that I'm not someone constantly talking on my ex
    via u/DarthJiveTurkey
  • 13
    lampcouchfireplace • 15h I think a good relationship with exes is a green flag. Not a weird obsessive hangup, but people whose previous relationships didn't end in a big disaster speaks to their ability to choose good partners and to end things with maturity and grace if the time comes. If your boyfriend or girlfriend one "crazy ex" well, everyone has bad luck some times. If they tell you all of their exes are insane? Youte probably going to be the next one.
    via u/lampcouchfireplace
  • 14
    sammcgowann . 21h I thought my husband was full of because he was so nice to me while dating. 6 years later it turns out he's just genuinely a good person.
    via u/sammcgowann
  • 15
    moosecakems • 22h Overly kind. Someone that loves and appreciates you like a golden retriever. Some people distrust happy and warm people
    via u/moosecakems
  • 16
    etzel1200. 22h Being overly interested in you.
    via u/etzel1200
  • 17
    11thNite 1d ● Clear boundaries. If you come in with emotional immaturity, boundaries can seem cruel, arbitrary, and alienating
    via u/11thNite
  • 18
    . 21h Once a girl made fun of my colorblindness on the first date-huge gray flag. - Matthew Broussard justice91423
    via u/justice91423

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relationship advice relationship status dating nightmares askreddit reddit story relationships advice subreddit reddit thread red flag Reddit toxic relationship green flag dating
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